Musings

Another 12 hours of sleep and I started thinking about life while i was taking a morning walk in the beautiful park nearby..

The first thought that came to my mind was why is it that almost for 3-4 years now I have always been running behind something or the other? Like in my BE I was running behind the good end of my engineering. Then after joining Accenture I was running behind these entrance exams like cat, xat etc. After failing in almost all of them :) and after good score in CET I was running for admission. After getting into mba i was again running behind some certification and some projects and after that now it’s for placements..

So it has so happened that I cannot enjoy the time when I have nothing to do. It’s not that I did not enjoy my life in all these years. Like I have written in my previous blogs, the moments I enjoy with my friends is what keep me going. But then there are times when you are not with your friends or you are not having gala time in spite of being in company of your friends. It is these moments I am talking about..

One thing I candidly confess that all I have done till now is to fulfil my professional ambitions. I also agree to that fact that I have decided long back that "on a professional front I will make my life happen and on a personal front I will let it happen"....

But today I was sorta dumbfounded by this premise. And asked myself why I decided that. I think there have been times when I consider myself to be made of two contradicting personalities. One is professional Saurabh who is almost always happy, who always loves to be on the move, who is wary of emotions other than that of happiness, who believes and takes effort to keep the atmosphere around him light and happy and who is at times a very good person to discuss the personal issues with. The other one is emotional Saurabh, who is always has a fleeting presence in my life, but whenever he is there, life becomes hell lotta confusing.

So, by choice I have more often than not been a professional Saurabh. At least that is what I believed till yesterday.

I think because I was splitting myself into these two personalities, and because my so called professional me was always dominant, I was feeling a bit nervous for last 2-3 days..

But today I realised that I am just being myself by being the first personality. There is nothing like emotional Saurabh. Emotional bouts are normal to every human being and as long as it is not having any ill-effect on the health of somebody it is okay....

So, I have once again decided that it is my decision to be happy always. If I need a reason to be happy, then absence of such reasons will make me sad. And even my decision to “make my life happen on a professional front and letting it happen on a personal front” is perfectly justified.

In fact the uncertainties of letting life happen on its own is what makes this life beautiful, like my very good friend Satish puts it.

“Life is full of glorious uncertainties”..

I realised I was surrounded by many people out there were enjoying the chit-chatting on a bright sunny Sunday morning and suddenly reminded me of my favourite Celine Dion song..

“Let it shatter the walls for a new sun
A new day has come ”....